So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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