She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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