So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
