Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
