it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
