if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
