Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
