Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
