I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
