please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
