OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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