Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
