everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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