I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
