I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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