you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
