420 ftw
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
