YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
