shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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