Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
