i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nicole vs. Life
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
