I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
