need another drink. this is the easiest way
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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