allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All the doctor said was why
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
