Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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