Plan B is the new Plan A
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
