No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
