I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
