Sry I called you an 8
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
