I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
