never play flip cup with pint glasses
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
