I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
