You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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