Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
