Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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