Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
