Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
