I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
