my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Everyone says I win the strip club
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
