Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
