I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
