this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
