How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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