My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
