The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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