Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
