Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
