were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
