I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You pole danced in your parka.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
