I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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