my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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