its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's blow job season.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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