Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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