hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
