I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
