I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Terrible idea I love it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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