Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
